Tu as ecrit 550 mots sur ta relation avec Internet. Voici ton travail debriefe ligne par ligne, avec une version corrigee qui garde TES idees mais avec une langue propre. Lis, compare, retiens.
Ce que l'IB te demandait de faire.
« You have recently read a report on the impact of being online for many hours a day. This made you consider your relationship with the internet. Write a text in which you reflect on the reasons you are drawn to go online, evaluate what effect this has on different aspects of your life, and explore how you can keep a balance between the virtual and real worlds. »
Estimation honnete sur la base des criteres IB English B SL.
Mes idees, ta langue. Lis ca comme un blog que tu aurais lu sur le web. C'est ce qui aurait pu etre rendu.
A few thoughts after reading a report I couldn't ignore.
Last week I came across a report on the impact of spending hours online every day. I'll be honest: most of it felt like a description of my own life. So in this post, I want to do three things — look at why I keep going online, evaluate what it's actually doing to me, and explore how I can find a healthier balance. Sound familiar? Stick around.
The first reason is simple: I'm a student. We write essays on our laptops, work on group projects, and do most of our research online. Even for the smallest thing — a definition, a date, a tutorial — I reach for my phone.
But school is only part of the story. I also go online for fun: gaming after I finish my homework, scrolling through news from around the world, learning about different cultures. And the moment I open my eyes in the morning, the first thing I do is check social media. It's a reflex, not a choice.
The effects on my life are clear, and not all of them are good. My sleep is the first thing that suffers. I scroll late into the night, then I struggle to wake up the next day. I know it's not a healthy routine, but at this point I think I'm a little addicted.
During the day, my phone is always in my hand — like a third hand attached to me. I do less sport than I used to, and I read fewer books. Even watching a film has become hard: ten minutes in, I'm already bored, already reaching for my phone. I've also noticed that I'd rather text a friend than actually talk to them face to face. That's the part that worries me the most.
That said, I do know my limits. When I'm exhausted, I put all my devices aside and let myself rest.
So how do I find a balance? For me, this is a crucial question — because the real world doesn't pause when I'm online.
I've started doing small things. I read a book before bed instead of scrolling. I do sport once a week, I draw, I listen to music — anything that uses my hands and my body, not just my eyes. I also make sure I go out with friends and family on the weekend, because nothing on a screen replaces real conversation, real laughter, or real silence shared with someone you love.
Balance, for me, isn't about quitting the internet. It's about remembering there's a whole world outside of it.
Yes, I spend a lot of time online — for school, for work, for my personal life. It does affect me, especially socially. But I'm learning to manage it, day by day, choice by choice.
What about you? How do you keep your balance? Drop a comment below and let me know.
Thanks for reading. See you in the next post.
Les memes idees mais reformulees avec une langue solide.
| ❌ Ce que tu as ecrit | ✓ Ce qu'il fallait ecrire | |
|---|---|---|
| "I will recover on the reason" | → | "I want to look at why I keep going online" |
| "informations" / "medias" | → | information / social media (invariables) |
| "I research a lot of things" | → | "I do most of my research online" |
| "to have more cultures" | → | "to learn about different cultures" |
| "the real worlds" / "virtual worlds" | → | the real world / online (singulier) |
| "Even I get up, the first thing I do..." | → | "The moment I open my eyes, the first thing I do..." |
| "its like my third hand" | → | "like a third hand attached to me" |
| "I am doing less sport" | → | "I do less sport than I used to" |
| "go to sleep very later" | → | "I scroll late into the night" |
| "its like I am addicted" | → | "I think I'm a little addicted" (nuance) |
| "I just put appart all electronic devices" | → | "I put all my devices aside" |
| "when I watched a movie, I am bored" | → | "when I watch a film, I get bored after ten minutes" |
| "crusial" / "exemple" | → | crucial / example |
| "to going out with friends" | → | "go out with friends" (pas de "to") |
| "I am going a lot of time online" | → | "I spend a lot of time online" |
| "I need to be careful to my consumtion" | → | "I need to manage my screen time" |
| "a better circle of life" | → | "a healthier balance" (pas de calque FR) |
| "see you soon in another edition" | → | "see you in the next post" |
Ce que ton blog avait, et ce qui manquait pour gagner les 3 points qui restent.
Si tu retiens ces 5 reflexes, tu gagnes 2-3 points sur le critere A.
« Tes idees etaient bonnes. C'est la langue qui t'a coute des points. »